The Guido Effect – part one.

Today is Guido’s birthday, my father.  The man was the true definition of a character; charismatic, charming, eccentric and irascible.

Wilfrida, Guido’s wife, minted a phrase that has now become a permanent entry in the lexicon of Guido’s Friends and Family -“The Guido effect”.  “The Guido effect” describes an approach or an outcome to a situation that is unorthodox or completely bizarre.  Mandatory is a belief that altering reality is possible in order to match one’s own construct with a dose of time travel. (Say that sentence quickly 5 times.)

Story one – Guido at 81 while in the hospital reduces a macho surgeon to Jell-O

Rumor has it this story has become a legend among first year medical students, in a certain teaching hospital, that shall remain nameless.  Over the years Guido was subject to massive nosebleeds that required cauterization.  One visit I found him in day two of bleeds and against his will, on doctor’s orders we headed to the hospital. 

Guido was a good diagnostician and understood anatomy as well as many doctors. He wanted the bleed cauterized.  The surgeon blew him off, told him cauterization would not work and began an extraordinarily painful alternative procedure.

A little background, over the years Guido had been a guest lecturer at the medical school in their humanities program.  He also was used occasionally as shill with med students to assist in their approach with the elderly. Now back to the story.

Guido in the midst of his pain, in a loud baritone, yelled, “STOP.”  His cease and desist commands originated in both Italian and English expletives. The surgeon answered back with equally unprofessional words, but sadly lacked creativity in his responses. At which time my dad countered, “You knew this procedure would be painful you refused to cauterize me which is what I wanted - if I were 20 years younger I would get off this table and beat the #%* out of you. “ He then started to get up off the table yelling “hell, I am going to do it right now.”

The filled room was momentarily paralyzed, a few medical students unfroze and bolted out of the room to find their leader. The Doctor in charge was also my father’s physician and friend.  They could be heard yelling down the halls, “Guido is going to beat up the surgeon, Guido is going to beat up Dr. Nameless” The surgeon then followed the students, legend has it, whimpering something to the effect, “he threatened me, and he threatened to me.”  Let me add, Guido was 81, had been severely loosing blood for 2 days and was very weak.

I arrived shortly after the episode, I entered his room to find a crowd gathered around Guido’s bed listening to stories and asking questions. Later I was told this particular Doc was considered a bully and not well liked, which gave the story even more traction. This is one example of the Guido effect when reality and time travel can be altered simultaneously.

Over the past few years when a story is told to me by a “FFOG”, family or friend of Guido, the tale is first introduced as…”The Guido effect.”