“The Guido Effect” - part two!

Last week I told the story of Guido suspending time and space to alter reality.  This week my story is about  “The Guido Effect” as a gift that kept on giving.

After Guido died we prepared to sell the house and the usual deed search took place by the realtor.  To our horror we found a seven page attached communication between Guido and the county assessor. Surprise!

To my shock the communication initiated by my father turned out to be a request to have the house re-inspected.  Why? According to parsimonious Guido, the increased assessment was an outrage.  The jest of the letter described a house on the verge of blowing away in a small wind or suddenly melting.

His reasoning; the remodel which caused a higher taxation was unfair and should be changed. Guido logic was that at one time there had been a small roof leak and surely the walls were damp and therefore the entire structure unsound.

“How does one write such a letter with a degree of seriousness you ask?”  Because other letters in the past with equally creative rationales or irrationality actually worked.  His letters are works of art and will be shared down the road.  The whole point of the “Guido Effect” is to change unwelcome reality, which often was successful. (It worked with the IRS.)

The result was another inspection, which included compliments from the assessor “on the remodel, the bones of the house and the solid construction.“  Guido tried one final letter to challenge the decision.  It was far more operatic describing all the flaws of the house and the inequity of the final ruling on a poor World War Two veteran widow, living on a pittance.  Forget that the inspector had seen his unworthy shack. He without shame played all his cards. This one was one of his few campaign failures.

  

When Mimi, a friend, and our realtor shared the alarming information I launched into a rather loud aria.  “The Guido Effect” necessitated immediate chocolate, a drink, aspirin and deep breathing. 

Just to rule out any issues we called in an inspector and without leading the witness, had him go through everything.  His report was spectacular and he wondered why he had been called out.

We explained the “Guido Effect,” he being Italian, nodded his head and began a story.  Apparently growing up the family owned a summer cottage on a lake, located near a tiny private airport.  His father visited only several weekends during the summer. However, he launched an impassioned protest to shut the airport down and or control the hours of use, because it made living life on the lake “torturous.”

As the gentleman left handing us our sterling report he said, “we have all experienced the “Guido Effect” at some point in our lives it certainly makes life more interesting.”  

Finito

Next week a tribute, an ode and praise of the twenty-something’s.

The Guido Effect – part one.

Today is Guido’s birthday, my father.  The man was the true definition of a character; charismatic, charming, eccentric and irascible.

Wilfrida, Guido’s wife, minted a phrase that has now become a permanent entry in the lexicon of Guido’s Friends and Family -“The Guido effect”.  “The Guido effect” describes an approach or an outcome to a situation that is unorthodox or completely bizarre.  Mandatory is a belief that altering reality is possible in order to match one’s own construct with a dose of time travel. (Say that sentence quickly 5 times.)

Story one – Guido at 81 while in the hospital reduces a macho surgeon to Jell-O

Rumor has it this story has become a legend among first year medical students, in a certain teaching hospital, that shall remain nameless.  Over the years Guido was subject to massive nosebleeds that required cauterization.  One visit I found him in day two of bleeds and against his will, on doctor’s orders we headed to the hospital. 

Guido was a good diagnostician and understood anatomy as well as many doctors. He wanted the bleed cauterized.  The surgeon blew him off, told him cauterization would not work and began an extraordinarily painful alternative procedure.

A little background, over the years Guido had been a guest lecturer at the medical school in their humanities program.  He also was used occasionally as shill with med students to assist in their approach with the elderly. Now back to the story.

Guido in the midst of his pain, in a loud baritone, yelled, “STOP.”  His cease and desist commands originated in both Italian and English expletives. The surgeon answered back with equally unprofessional words, but sadly lacked creativity in his responses. At which time my dad countered, “You knew this procedure would be painful you refused to cauterize me which is what I wanted - if I were 20 years younger I would get off this table and beat the #%* out of you. “ He then started to get up off the table yelling “hell, I am going to do it right now.”

The filled room was momentarily paralyzed, a few medical students unfroze and bolted out of the room to find their leader. The Doctor in charge was also my father’s physician and friend.  They could be heard yelling down the halls, “Guido is going to beat up the surgeon, Guido is going to beat up Dr. Nameless” The surgeon then followed the students, legend has it, whimpering something to the effect, “he threatened me, and he threatened to me.”  Let me add, Guido was 81, had been severely loosing blood for 2 days and was very weak.

I arrived shortly after the episode, I entered his room to find a crowd gathered around Guido’s bed listening to stories and asking questions. Later I was told this particular Doc was considered a bully and not well liked, which gave the story even more traction. This is one example of the Guido effect when reality and time travel can be altered simultaneously.

Over the past few years when a story is told to me by a “FFOG”, family or friend of Guido, the tale is first introduced as…”The Guido effect.”

It's not about you!

I prepared a more upbeat blog but a recent conversation inspired me to switch gears.  This topic was a request from a friend who has to start chemo again after being cancer free for five years.  Her doctors are optimistic and assuring and she is upbeat.

Updates were given, timelines and expectant side effects to the treatment were shared during a recent lunch. We are long time friends and very comfortable discussing all the gory details. My first question; “How are your family and friends reacting and how can we help?”

In preparing her chemo calendar my friend called or met with some of her circle. She needed to cancel previous engagements and when making the calls, included the reason. Delivering the information in an upbeat no nonsense way, she was surprised and somewhat shocked by how her group reacted. Usually it was tears or a depressing lament.  She became the consoler uttering soothing words in an attempt to quickly end conversations.

Listening to her story, I blurted out speaking to everyone she had spoken to, “It’s not about you!”  My friend’s first reaction was to mention that obvious fact to her group but felt it would prolong the already painful conversations.

 April 3, 2012 I wrote a blog titled Being there for the terminally ill.  This is the blog I should have written first.

Hearing the news of a frightening medical diagnosis is a shock to all.  A visceral first reaction could be tears or asking inappropriate and badly timed questions.  We need to be forgiven since many of us have been in such a situation.  

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU

Remember IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS as you attempt to wrap your head around the information.

Take a breath before speaking.

Don’t start out with cheery slogans or platitudes.

Don’t use a somber, sad funereal voice.

DON’T SAY ANYTHING

 Pause a moment and observe how your family member or friend is delivering the news.

Watch their expression and listen to their tone of voice.

Your job is to listen and ask questions if it seems like the person is open to answering them.

As a result of cues, you can determine on what level the person wants to talk.

 If the mood seems upbeat, go with it.

QUESTIONS

Is there more information that you can share with me?

What would you like me to do?

Do you need any help getting to chemo, meals for the family or sending updates?

If all the bases are covered ask how you can stay current without calling.

Find out the preferred mode of communication, Facebook, text, or email.

Determine who is handling communication, you can offer if the position is open.

FOLLOW-UP

Request a phone date if that seems appropriate

More and more people are using Facebook as the forum for updates, check in.

Follow-up with notes, an invitation for whatever your family member or friend would like to do, errands or something fun.

Do not disappear, keep cards and notes coming, clippings on shared interests, DVD’s – just don’t disappear!

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

If you pray…get on it or start again.

Talk to someone.

Be sad, be optimistic, run the gambit of emotions, do what you need to do.

A strong connection is about the two of you, the circle, and the family, it becomes about all of us in a time crisis.