Like, the construct of um, linguistics... is kinda funny? Know what I mean?

The word “like“ is interesting.  There seems to be no avoiding this word.  It pushes and inserts itself into all facets of communication.  Another new addition to the language is ending sentences with a question or least with a tone of voice that sounds like a question.  Now let us add ums, kind ofs, and you knows to this sentence structure.  

Um, like, you know what I mean?  Maybe, kind of, sort of?????

Conversation sounds ambivalent, unsure, and tentative.  These types of meaningless, unconscious fillers seep into our verbal communication, leaking into that which is written, debilitating real words.  They continuously lower standards that diminish our words  - words that have stature, words that have meaning, words to fall in love with and words to hate. 

The word “um” is used as a replacement for a breath, or pause, but often ends up distracting the listener.  But a nano second of quiet allows the speaker the thought-process to produce appropriate words, and often makes the speaker’s point valid.  The other varmints replace real grownup words, confuse the listener, and make the speaker seem lazy.

For example:

 ‘How was the party”? 

Um...Hello?

“Um, the party?  Like it was bad, you know?  Like sort of depressing?  Um like I just wanted to leave?????? “

My response to your party review:

Please take a second to gather your thoughts. Conversation is not a quiz show where you must answer before the buzzer. Before you speak have an understanding of what message you want to convey. If you are unsure of yourself, take a minute and think it over (Unless your are hysterically crying, then take two).   Deliver your words according to what point you are trying to get across.

I am not sure if you really felt the party was depressing.  I wasn’t at the party; I can’t answer your questions.  Only you can answer your own questions.  When a question mark ends every sentence there is no point of view.  Run on thoughts that never seem to end or have a clear topic are confusing and frustrating.  They make me nervous and uncomfortable.  No different than being in an audience when a performer forgets lines or song lyrics.

So why are we are avoiding real words?

Yeah, I get it…thank you valley speak from the 8o’s…thank you Kardashians and Paris Hilton for showing us that talking serves little purpose and clear speech is shown such indifference. Thank you all for making your speech pattern contagious.  Few of us are immune without careful effort.  Really, at the speed with which we are losing our words what is the intention of conversing?

Like, it is boring?... Sort of … a waste of time?…text me.

Do You Like Me?

Are you on Facebook? No, why aren’t you on Facebook? You really need to be on Facebook, we are all on it - I can’t believe you aren’t on Facebook!  

For years I endured these types of questions from friends who felt I was being stubborn and perhaps a bit cantankerous.

Several kind and caring friends would often visit me and hold Facebook interventions.  We would sit with my laptop visiting the pages of people with whom I occasionally kept up with and others whom I hadn’t communicated with in years.  My friends took me around different peoples’ sites and really tried to lure me into liking Facebook.

What I found interesting was that I had already heard most of the big news the old fashioned way and the rest…well, the fact that you cleaned your house for the first time in months, was both alarming and TMI.

Honestly, the major justification I have for not joining is that I feel my life is not that interesting and unless you are staying with me, the state of my house isn’t that compelling (although my house is clean).  Boring is a word that comes to mind.(Which is what I am thinking at this very moment – perhaps you are bored reading this).

Not having a large family also took away some of the reasoning for being on Facebook [Should my dog Emma join the Facebook family?  She would be an instant hit and widely popular as she already has a devoted following.  (Writing this I realize she might like an account)].

Apart from the boring content, there are two specific incidents that really pushed me away from Facebook and the thought of being “liked.”

My junior year I transferred to a new college.  I didn’t know a soul and was assigned a roommate who was a transfer student as well (we are still friends).  Before school started on a beautiful fall day in a small college town we walked to Dairy Queen. This was in a time before Starbucks, long ago and far away.

Sitting on the curb with my ice cream, chatting with a stranger with whom I now shared a room, we would suddenly stop speaking as a group of happy students passed us by and then resume our conversation after they had gone.  After another silent break we both turned to each other at the same time saying something to the effect of “do you think we will ever meet anyone or make friends?”  What we were asking …do you think anyone will like us?

They did and I stayed to graduate.

My aversion to Facebook and the word  “like” resurfaced two strong past life memories that haunted me every time I encountered the word.

When Sally Fields accepted her academy award for Norma Rae, she said to the audience “ this means you like me, you really like me”.  At first it sounded heartbreakingly sad, but I get what she was saying.  After being Gidget and a flying Nun you see me as a real and serious actor.

Where am I going with this…?  I succumbed.  After stubbornly saying no, I said yes to Facebook, because of what I do.

Upon launching WILFRIDAS CLOSET, an online business, I realized that gaining that validation, having people like me, is the key to success.  Facebook assists people in finding me and discovering what I love to do.

I am passionate about words; words written with pens, words that are on your PC, words that go on paper (perhaps using my cards), words that need stamps, envelopes, words that use journals and note pads.  Creating art cards, another passion of mine, makes for a fitting marriage to both words and art.  To peruse these passions I now reside in a virtual world, which I find amusing as it involves “being liked.” And I get the irony that I am utilizing the communication of a virtual tool box which ask you to use paper.

As I make requests to like me, not me personally, but my cards, my art, my words, I can’t deny --it is personal. I find myself sitting on the same curb, asking the same question, “will anyone like me?”, as I hear Sally Field’s stunned voice in my head.

It still feels weird asking, but here it goes.  Please like me, ask your friends to like me and spread the word about Wilfrida’s Closet.  I am so grateful for those of you that have liked me, supported me, and shared my art with your friends. Your encouragement has been amazing and has been a real push to get off the curb and quiet that voice.

…Or do you?

Matters of the Heart

Click HERE to view this card

It was late afternoon, February 14

And all through the store there could be seen

Men of desperation running in shock

Hustling and bustling, with eyes on the clock…

-Lauren Snelgrove            

“I can’t believe stores have switched to Valentine’s Day already,” I overheard someone grumbling several days after New Year’s. Retailers gave up the natural seasons of planting, harvesting, and new moons. Their calendar is based on holidays and citizen consumers, and consequentially, so are yours.  They aren’t the only ones controlling seasons—there’s the sports people and the politicians and….

The essence of Valentine's Bewilderment...

Next on the list for the retailers is our national day of love.  My personal retail memories of this day still make me shake my head.  I can recall men searching for the perfect present and card, looking for anything that sings, “I care and I took time to pick this out,” while usually under siege of shopping distress.

This is not to say the women aren’t as equally involved—they’ve just finished their shopping the week before, perhaps equally as task driven and frantic. Valentine’s Day is an equal opportunity holiday, offering bewilderment to all.

As the customers entered our stores I could hear hearts beating loudly and in unison, “Help me, please, help!”  The most common conversations I heard can be broken down into:

•  I really want to get this right, but I never know what to do.
•  I’m here because my dad/mom/friend need a gift and sent me (my personal favorite).
• Do you have any teddy bears or, actually, better yet, bears with chocolate attached?
• ·      What would you want that would be okay for:
•  A relationships that is new?
•   A “we aren’t serious but I have to do something,” gift?
• Something that shows I care, even though I hate this day?                   

Click HERE to view this card

These are all true and common accounts, I promise. I did enjoy the many men and woman that sincerely cared and wanted to do the right thing. Yet even those folks felt so much pressure to deliver something that expressed their love, on a single day of the year, through a single emblem of sentiment. That’s a pretty complicated message, St. Valentine.  

Instead of panicking this Valentine’s Day, why not keep it simple? As many have done and are doing, you could create your gift, donate to a cause your loved one supports, or give something valuable to everyone—time.

You can break loose of the shopping frenzy and keep it simple. Again and always, you have an opportunity to give the greatest gift if all: words from your heart. Express your love, friendship, appreciation, or compassion to special people in your life, platonic or romantic. Words are simple, long lasting, and unique any recipient.

From the heart,

Rita