Multitudinous communication options going sideways!

I am but a mere humble maker of handmade art cards with a distant corporate past; commenting on all things communicative.  With so many communication options available, effective communication seems more challenging than ever.

We all have different styles of communication; the upfront and personal style, the “I hate emails and texts,” or the polar opposite, “text or email work, talking is a waste of time.”  Successful communicators blend personal touch with electronic magic, knowing which to use at the right time.

The no talk, all electronic 24/7 approaches make clarification and remedying ambiguity challenging.  When communication breaks down, there is a quick need to blame our devices for not doing their jobs.  We give excuses like, “Reception was bad,” or, “the dog ate my phone.”  We are good communicators - our devices make bad choices.  With me so far?

With multitudinous communication devices available, it has become far too easy not to respond or follow-up.  We send an electronic message and say to others, and ourselves “I sent a (fill in the blank), all done.”  Personal and professional confrontation and culpability are dodged with a quick press of the send button.

Just recently I had a legal document that needed same day expediting.  An email was sent before the office opened, with an explicit notation, “must be complete today, driving all day, can’t do email, please call for missing details.”

 Hours later I find an email requesting a call back but no other information.  Upon returning the call, I found that the employee sent the email and left the office without offering options or alternatives.  With persistence a solution was found.

I am an over communicator (it can be annoying).  If I need information and if I know someone else needs information from me, I try one approach and keep going.  Because we live in a world of “no, impossible, can’t be done,” negotiations take communication exertion and drudgery.  Giving up after the first, “no,” or, “it can’t be done,” is not an option these days. 

Recently two business acquaintances had a very spirited debate via email.  A phone call made at the start of the difficulty would have led to a happier ending.  Their emails started getting longer, tones less conciliatory, and the opportunity to turn it around was lost.  Intonation is difficult to distinguish in emails.  

When electronic communication snafus are escalating, experts agree; “Pick up the phone before writing CYA or I am right and you are wrong emails that can be misinterpreted.”  Too many important issues are not solved, deadlines missed and feelings bruised because the conversation stayed electronic.

What is the objective of communication?  Is it not to inform and or persuade?  At the end of the day, the characteristics that tenacious communicators utilize are clarity, civility, humor, and implied firmness.  Phones still work; they can be used, on occasion, for good.  And to the surprise of many; a well-written letter can produce amazing results!

May the force of communication be with you! 

PS.  The art of listening is for another time – what?

PPS. People who break up by text – I won’t go there now!

Amore - A Time to Celebrate

Wedding Day

I sent out a newsletter this week about weddings, showers, baptisms and baby-namings aptly called, "Time to Celebrate."  Festivities are opportunites to reflect upon happy times, enjoy ourselves and be there for our friends and family.

Science has proven that The, “love hormone,” oxytocin is real and that during weddings and parties our active levels of oxytocin are increased. The effects of oxytocin are a party gift. If single, you may find a new friend or, “love the one you're with”.   Currently if you are single and sad, recently broken up and angry,  or unhappily connected - lean into the happiness around you - science tells us it is contagious.

Sugar Perfection

I'm sure that, like me, you have all been to weddings that seemed a little sour.  We know the marriage isn’t going to work. We are sure the couple isn't going to stay together and worse, the poor child is going to be raised in one of the most dysfunctional households this side of reality TV!  What do we do?

Speaking from experience, drink, eat, dance, find someone funny, and or leave early and recover.  At a close friend’s wedding, while dancing with her dad, he said out of the blue, "how long do you give the marriage?"  His estimate - six years.  And sadly he was right.  At one wedding I witnessed the bridal party sobbing at the altar.  The tears being shed were not joyous, it did not last.

Be careful when exposing others' information with the bride, groom or parents.  Often times it's best to wait until years later and they are in a happier place.  When asked if you thought "he/she was so bad why didn’t you say anything at the time?"  Avoid the friendship rabbit hole and let there be a moment of silence. Respond by saying, "what could I/we have said, suppose we were wrong?"  But there are some things you must say.  If you know in advance about former stalking issues, appearances on, "My Big Fat Crazy Gypsy Wedding," "the Bachelor," "Bachelorette," or dreams of kiddie beauty pageants, share the information before the event.  Please!

Talk to the Animals

To embrace the oxytocin in our lives, I am encouraging everyone to send a love note to a couple, the baby soon to be born, or the infant.  A love note that comes directly from your heart and words that will last a lifetime.  Come on, give the gift of your words and show more amore.

For cards that showcase your thoughts, visit my website www.WilfridasCloset.com , find me on Facebook or Emma the Bernese on Facebook wearing her celebration hat. 

Guido's Star Repair: Happy Father's Day

In first grade my class was given an art project for Christmas.  Our assignment was to make a clay star for our parents.  My star was coated in glitter and my young eyes saw it as stellar.  As we prepared to leave class for Christmas vacation, I gingerly wrapped my star for safekeeping and placed it in my coat pocket.

Excited to bring my star home I hurriedly exited the bus, tripped and fell (no surprise to anyone that knows me.)  My masterpiece snapped in half.  Torn pants and a skinned knee were of little consequence to me.  Broken hearted I cried all the way home.  My tears continued as Guido cleaned and patched my scrapes.

Inconsolable, my father translated my gasping operatic sobs to be, “broken star for you and mother, your present is ruined.”   He looked at me, smiled, and said, “we can mend this,” finally taking a breath, hope started to bubble up.

Guido presented the mended star to me, promising not to tell my mother and assuring me no one would know the difference.  As the waterworks started up again he asked why I was still crying.  “You fixed my star; you put it all together again.”   Guido’s words, “Rita, that’s what daddy’s do, they fix broken stars that’s Daddy magic.”

As I grew older and more than a clay star shattered, Guido would give me words of advice, promise it would be better, and either say to me or sign his letters, “your daddy, the star fixer.”   And you know what – somehow what ever it was - at any age - his special magic always worked.

Even though he is no longer here to sign his letters or mend what breaks I can hear his comforting voice.  To all the fathers who fix broken stars I wish you a Happy Father’s Day.

Catching up on my Journal

June 5

Journal entry

Wow!  It’s June already.  I need to catch up on my journaling (sorry Oprah).  So much has happened since the year started.  I need to write it all down - don’t want to forget a thing.

I am so grateful that the long nightmare starring our neighbor, Mr. Righteous as I call him, is finally over.  People can be so mean and unforgiving.  My twins just wanted to do a nice thing.  They saw that his car was dirty, wanted to do a good deed, and decided to take the car for a wash.  I mean the keys were in the car.  Really, the twins kept the car from being stolen.

All the extra mileage was for a good cause.  Poor kids drove around for hours looking for an open car wash.  Some people are just born nasty, I am so thankful for the twins and my wonderful husband.

My husband Rex encouraged the twins to find a summer job or volunteer work.  They will be working with an environmental organization beautifying and tending to the meridians and road shoulders.  I told them how proud I was of them for giving back.  They are so humble; running away while I was talking.

The twins, like Rex, are closemouthed, so I don’t ask many questions.  When I inquired about clothes the twins assured me uniforms were provided.  They haven’t worn matching outfits since they were infants.  Much to my relief they were willing to share the color and style of their uniforms. I am ok with jumpsuits, which are so summer stylish, but orange is not their color.

Get ready for this one…Rex signed the two of us up for one of those Russian space camps that take you for rides into the heavens.  I guess it’s fitting since Rex always tells me I am from another galaxy.  I have decided to put off the next round of plastic surgery to see if I benefit from 0 gravity.  What are the best clothes to wear under space suits… bikinis?

Rex was very lucky.  Our broker (and brother-in-law) got him in on the ground floor of the Facebook IPO.  And because he sold long/short, (I don’t understand any of it) we are looking at some fun vacations.  Two of the best-looking men came by recently, dressed in black carrying badges and looking for Rex.

Since they were so nice (and hot) I invited them in for coffee.  We talked about Island vacations.  They wanted to know my favorite island.  I told them Rex was looking for a vacation home in the Cayman Islands.  Rex told me never let “those #$% guys in the house again.  I’ve got to cancel my cosmetic surgery appointment, more to come.

The first 6 months of this year have been fabulous.  We are indeed blessed.