All Who Wander Are Not Lost

From Wilfrida's Closet art card collection (HERE)

BY LAUREN SNELGROVE

Wilfrida's Closet Staff

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”-Dr. Seuss

Who the heck thought up the term “worry wart?” What a repulsively juicy description for a person with a bad habit. And yet, it's so fitting.

A wart is a growth that most commonly appears on hands or feet—body parts that get us to where we need to go and allow us to do the things we need to do. And what happens when a nasty, painful wart appears on our hands or feet? We're handicapped. We're slowed down. We can't go to where we need to go, or do what we need to do, as easily or as well.

Worrying keeps up from living out our full potential. How might I know? My name's Lauren, and I'm an ex-worry-addict. My poison was to worry over what I was going to do with my life, constantly.

For a long time I was driven by a fierce pressure to succeed. With incredibly supportive parents, I was often told that this pressure was fabricated by my own mind, that no one was putting it on me. But certainly a little girl couldn't feel such an urgency to perform, to become, simply because. I look around me, and I see this urgency in many young people.

We live in a technologically connected world that allows us to compare ourselves to literally everyone else out there. The world is such a small place now that a global community exists through the wonders of a digital age. This is such a beautiful thing but danger ridden just the same.

Between Youtube videos, blogs, internationally broadcasted talent shows and news bites, the beauty and brains of the world are widely publicized for all to see. Big stars are getting younger and less people seem to be aging. The quest for perfection appears to be fueled by the vast global competition.

I have so many friends and family members that I've seen swallowed by discouragement or beat down by intimidation, by fear. They've been deterred from their dreams because they don't feel good enough. They've tried following in the footsteps of their favorite celebrity or renowned expert of their field, and it's not working.

Instead of following in someone else's imprints, why not make your own? Write your own story. Think outside of the expectations of society, of your family or any establishment. Stop worrying about where Steve Jobs, Hilary Clinton, or J.K. Rowling was at your age, and just focus on what you love and who you are.

We don't have to keep up with technology, either. We're only human—we'll never be as fast as computers, so why are we racing around so much? Modern technology allows us the opportunity to slow down in many ways. Plus, unlike my parents or grandparents, there is no social pressure to have a career and family before the age of thirty. So again I must ask, what's the rush, guys?

I know too many people who have had mid-life crises, people who have panicked over a work-driven life or a dwindling clock that reminds them they still haven't done things they want to. Our country's life structure seems to be: work ourselves to the bone until retirement and then go live out our suppressed dreams, adventures, and vacations. And yet things like yoga and meditation are growing wildly popular as if there's a desperate, pandemic call for balance in people's lives.

Taking this 708 foot bungee plunge taught me how to face my fears in life.

I'm still trying to learn what balance really means. I've started by resisting the habit of worrying. I'm also choosing to live life in the reverse of many Americans. I'm choosing adventure and exploration before I settle down to a career, a family. While financial stability is certainly alluring I can't help but wonder what good it all is if I wake up at forty-five and wonder if I'm “really happy,” and then make radical, life-changing decisions when I have three kids and a mortgage.

In the times I'm tempted to worry about my life (usually when I hear about my high school classmates that are at Harvard Medical School, or software developers at Google), I remind myself that I've done the world's highest bungee jump, had breakfast with Desmond Tutu, held hands (or trunks) with an elephant, and made it out of foreign cities alone and alive. Why can't I call those things success? I've deviated from society's path of expectations and still encountered wonderful—though different—opportunities.

I'm going to take the time to change my mind eighty-seven times, to live in twelve different countries, to begin and end twenty different hobbies, to fail--right now, while I'm young. I'm not going to worry about where I'm headed, I'm going to enjoy where I am. And I'm going to do my best not to compare myself to the most successful people or even just the ones I went to high school with.

Adventure and exploration for you may mean something other than travel or bungee jumping, and that's fine. I am who I am, you are who you are, and we all have the power to write our own stories. So stop the wrinkle lines from deepening and find the courage to live life the way you want to, the way your gut is pushing you to.

We never truly know how to take the whole, "live each day like it's your last," thing to heart, until we are one day forced into contemplating the reality of it. Don't be afraid of dying before you get the chance to do the things you want to; be afraid of choosing a life that keeps you from doing them.

And remember, all who wander are not lost.

Please, Don't Go!

BY RITA

Say it ain’t so! Is this really the time to give us more bad news? It’s been recently announced that the U.S. Postal Services will have cutbacks, including a halt in Saturday delivery. This is ok, compared to the worst of it: impending bankruptcy, closing entire post offices, and the idea that we could loose our beloved right to daily mail service. We could lose our opportunity to receive bills, junk mail, magazines, and an occasional, rare but treasured, personal note or letter.

The post office has not asked us, the customer, for our thoughts on how to make it better, though anyone who stands in a line for twenty-five minutes to send a package does have some good ideas. My thoughts? Staff up and stock up during peak seasons. Staff up for lunchtime, not the middle of the afternoon, just before the office closes.

The other day I was at the post office around noon, standing behind eleven people in line with one window open for service. The second employee is on his way out for lunch. I watched the lone postal worker put her hands to her face, very seriously, in a Home Alone moment and say, “You can’t leave me like this, I’m the only one here!” The departing employee only mumbled, “I have to take my break.”

I started to time transactions. Each took close to five minutes per person. Each customer had so many questions and I watched several people just forfeit the line saying, “This is just not worth it.” I looked around to see signs that read, “We have all your mailing and packing supplies,” over mostly empty shelves and holders.

The empty window became the de facto spot for dropping off pre-paid packages, a visual to-do list stacking up next to the poor gal behind the counter. People dropping off these packages would cautiously move ahead of the waiting line, announcing with hands in the air, “Just dropping off packages, not taking cuts!” One woman expressed her fear that the line might actually turn on her.

The lone worker was doing a good job. She announced to the all that she graduated postal school just the day before. I watched her hands move to her forehead and slide to her cheeks in despair, as she bravely forged on. The line remained a steady twelve to fifteen people, snaking out the door.

A darling, young French couple in front of me was chatting and offered congratulations for surpassing the French Postal Service in both attitude and speed. Several of us in line thanked them and shared our collective pride with eye rolling and sighs.

This post office was my former neighborhood substation with fun, kind, and helpful people. When it opened six years ago the team told me they had requested transfers away from the “big location” because their “co-workers were crabby.” Is this the result of all the cutbacks, weaning funds, and drastic changes occurring in our country’s postal service?

There are some good people working for the U.S.P.S as well as not! But the fact is, the post office is a business and needs to be run like one. While companies are going green and turning digital, our need for the postal service still remains. Don’t fail us now!

I bemoan and I mourn the impending passing of what Benjamin Franklin left to us—an amazing system of communication and courier services that has a great history and legacy. Please Santa, fix the postal service!

Black Friday Games

BY RITA

As a former retailer myself, Black Friday was once known to me as an insider's phrase, referencing the creation of events and savings that usher in the holiday season. It'd start the Friday after Thanksgiving, and retailers hoped for good profitability by attracting people through special offers. Though not the original theme of the phrase, this became the tradition.

Now Black Friday means madness, mayhem, chaos, and an evolving opportunity for bigger and better promotions. In recognition of this evolution, I can foresee the creation of Pre-Black Friday events. This would not just mean staying open from Wednesday through Sunday of Thanksgiving week without closing. No, it would go far above and beyond sales with mega possibilities, on all levels of marketing.

With the pepper spray incident in southern California, the poor dead man in the southeast who died of natural causes, though everyone stepped over him on their way to sizzling bargains, it's time to bring it to the next level a much higher and creative level.

So why don't we just create a mall version of the Roman gladiator games? Shoppers must apply and train throughout the year to be taken seriously. The shopping/sporting events can be moved to the parking lots of stores and malls (the new mini coliseums). Leagues and teams will be created and the games can begin Wednesday evening and endure through Thanksgiving.

I can just see it now...

Training Tasks (most are real-life occurrences anyway):

• How quickly can you steal an item out of the other team’s shopping cart and keep it (physical scuffle only!)?

• How quickly can you take something off a shelf and/or wrestle it from another shopper?

• How quickly can you cut in front of another person to get in line or cut some one off in their vehicle?

• How loudly can you scream, “It's mine, it's mine, it' mine, it’s mine!” and cause the other contestant to run away?

These are just a few minor stunts—there's room for so much more creativity. Just think, Gladiator Shopping could be so good for the economy! There could be coaches training teams year-round, the leagues would have televised playoffs on Thanksgiving at 12:01 a.m., and there could be branding, apparel, perhaps a reality show. And here's the best part: it could be a twelve month event.

When people wish Christmas could be all year…now it can be…a dream come true!

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Hunter S. Thompson was right: “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”

Things have gotten so extreme; I guess it's time to take Black Friday to the next level. Since it is just so completely weird now, let’s go pro.

-Rita

Bah Humbug and Happy Whatever

My father, Guido

As we head into the season I want to share a paragraph from a letter written by my dad, Guido. It was his last holiday letter written in 2005. He specialized in the art (and it is an art) of being a curmudgeon. His holiday letters in no way resembled traditional holiday letters as most of America knows them. They contained a recap of the year flavored with dark humor, irony, pathos, and large quantities of his trademark curmudgeonliness.

Here's a sample of Guido's holiday flare:

Admonitions from this old geezer:

Turn off your TV's and read a book....Don't listen to Madison Avenue hucksters....Avoid X-mas mania...Spend less and save...Avoid voting for dim wits...Tear up your credit cards...Get rid of those Washington bandits and liars...And most importantly, LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND ESPECIALLY YOUR FAMILIES... Be grateful you are alive; that your roof doesn't leak, that you have health insurance and bread and butter on the table. And don't try to solve the mystery of life. Stay well and have a good whatever. Hang in the there!

Merry whatever and a Happy whatever,

Guido

Guido was a character larger than life. His letters were collected and shared, and when I later went through his correspondences I found requests from people that he didn’t even know, asking for several copies of his letters with envelope and postage included (this is all pre-blog and pre-John Stewart).

My mother would edit his letters before sending them, always putting in a call to me: "Talk to your father right away!" I'd make the call home with, sometimes, a pseudo shocked voice telling my father the words of the letter were, "Too dark, too political, too cynical, too insensitive to other views, too shocking..." I was lucky if my father heard even a word or two—it all depended on the year and his mood!

When Guido died, the first words out of many friends' mouths were, "Oh no, the newsletter will stop!" Realizing what they’d said in response to my father’s passing, they immediately followed with an apology. He, of course would have loved it—I did.

Six years later, Guido’s words are just as current and predictive. As I prepared the Holiday Collection for Wilfrida’s Closet, I heard Guido's voice providing commentary on the past year, offering up perfect, crazy, holiday material, accompanied with my mother in the background protesting, "No, no, you can't say that."

And so it is only fitting to follow family tradition and wish you all a warm and happy holiday (or whatever), and hey, love one another. I hope everyone survives the deluge of Black Friday advertising, enjoys a lovely Thanksgiving, and manages to remain intact if any shopping malls are visited.

Many thanks to all who have been so supportive.

-Rita

Lessons From Modern Christmas Stories

BY RITA

Last weekend I was working on holiday cards for Wilfrida’s Closet, while settling into a Christmas movie marathon on a cable channel that specializes in feel good movies aimed at women. I started listening more intently—not watching, but listening—and noticing common themes showing up in these sugary, heartwarming plots. I suddenly started to feel anxious watching these flicks--not exactly my plan for the day.
As my last blog explained, I have been weaning myself away from the wealth of bad news floating around the media waves, and have committed to opening my mind to the sugary sweet stuff. At this point, my sugar thermometer was skyrocketing.

The Feel Good Plot

The basic plot of each movie was a combination of the following:

An attractive smart young woman leaves her:

(a) Family

(b) Boyfriend/lover

(c) Picturesque, idealized, small town and goes off to THE BIG

CITY!

(d) One of the above, some of the above, or all of the above

In THE BIG CITY! the heroine might:

(a) Be successful, have a fabulous apartment but live a lo

nely, loveless life

(b) Lose touch with her true love from back home

(c) Have a boyfriend, soon to become fiancé, that is a

terribly flawed human, but handsome and successful.

(d) Fail at accomplishing her dream and out of pride stay in

THE BIG CITY!

(e) One of the above, some of the above, or all of the above.

The leading lady that starts in THE BIG CITY! ending up in the perfect hamlet or returning home because of :

(a) A family crisis

(b) A work assignment

(c)She makes some crazy-ass wish and an elf allows her to see how perfect

her life could be had she stayed or if she wasn’t living her soulless life

(d) Her car breaks down

(e) One of the above, some of the above, or all of the above.

Eventually, our heroine reconnects with all that is good in la vida. She might save a town, find love, and dump the loser, realizing there is no place like home—while being fashionably dressed the entire time, of course.

The Moral Of The Story

The moral always is: THE BIG CITY! is bad and loveless, and only in a small municipality can one repurpose one’s self for the greater good in work and life. Then, and only, will we all live happily ever after, on a small living wage.

There are positive aspects to these stories, too. These leading ladies, like so many young people have had to return home because they cannot afford living on their own. As a result they are reconnecting with family and friends. There are good things to be found in our economic crises. With the limited job market, repurposing yourself for the greater good is noble and needed. Lowering outrageous expectations and being a part of a supportive, forgiving, and loving community, can readjust a life compass and a society.

But what kind of message are these movies sending to women overall? Why is living in the city always the default for loosing your soul and your roots? It has allowed so many who have left home to become who they dreamed of being, or not…choices…choices…choices! Small or big, with or with out a man, with a great career or not, why is this still an issue?

Someone please tell me where that incredible apartment is with the perfect location and great décor, I will take over the leading lady's lease or buy our heroine’s place so she can find true love, her true purpose in a small, still to be named magical town....

Wait...where was I? I can lose my point and my mind when inhaling too much sugar, forgive me.

Give Thanks

BY RITA

Several weeks ago, I heard two dog stories on the news. Both tales were of dogs that had gotten lost miles away from their homes but were eventually found and returned to their loving and relieved owners. I reflected on the story while petting Emma, my dog, and realized I had just heard a happy-ever-after news report. Upon further reflection I recognized this was the first time in months I was listening to good news coming through the airwaves.

I used to turn the fluff pieces off, or ignore them (too sugary for me). Lately, thought, between banks, home foreclosures, unemployment, cities defaulting, attitudes, confidence, and our general mental health all being disjointed, out of whack, and endlessly hurting--I was happy to hear good news for a change. In contemplating and relishing a fluff piece, my wakeup moment was wishing there was more of the sugary stuff.

Yesterday my check engine light went off for at least two hours straight. Good news: the CD player played my favorite song twice before silencing itself completely. How considerate of the machine to give me a few moments of kindness before sending me into a long, quiet drive. What about my iPod, you ask? Broken too. Notice a trend?

It seems that all we talk or hear about lately is brokenness. In the spirit of thanksgiving I am going to communicate to others and myself treasures and riches that are unbroken in my life, and it's not about my stuff. No faking it, no excess mountains of fluffy whipped meringue, but real, honest treasures will be shared. Hear it comes…wait for it… There will be gratitude.

In a class I attend we set a time. Every hour we take a one-minute break for reflection, silence, or just to breathe. This season, I am setting my timer throughout my every day and taking my single minute to be thankful.

Turning the dial down on a machine that broadcasts only sour and bad bites, or taking a nap or well-earned rest, is going to allow me to look at what is fixed, what does work, and what is a gift. I'm going to allow the time and space to both recognize and enjoy what can be heard when things go silent.

See our updated Autumn Collection HERE!

The holiday season is upon us and plans for Thanksgiving and December celebrations are well in the works.

Breathe.

Even though this time of year is riddled with challenges of time, travel and kitchen affairs, it does prompt us to pay attention to the things we should cherish most.

So breathe!

When in overload, our bodies tend to gasp for air and we somehow forget to exhale. Don't hold your breath this year. When you feel overwhelmed just take a deep breath in, then focus on those things you cherish as you exhale and relax. This trick has kept the homicide ratedown in my personal circle for years.

When I have to wait in line and watch the person ahead of me seem stunned that it's time to pay for their items while rifling through pockets or purses and chatting away all at once, a phrase from Hunter S. Thompson helps keep me centered: "When the going gets tough, the weird turn pro!"

My best advice this season-stay an amateur.

Let the holiday activities commence!

-Rita

The Emoticon Rideau

Do We Rely On Emoticons To Communicate Clearly?

By Rita & Lauren

Several blogs ago (the newest way I track time), I discussed how we might rely on emoticons to communicate in the near future. Like an Olympic judge, I thought people might have cards printed with graphic displays of emotion in order to clarify verbal interactions. I also mentioned that perhaps, in the same way we already use them in text messages and e-mail, we would print emoticons in books and articles so future readers understand how to interpret emotion in the written word.

My fears are not an isolated case. A parent coordinator at a Manhattan elementary school, who frequently uses e-mail to communicate with parents and school officials, was quoted in The New York Times Sunday Styles on those little digital expressions: “Can you imagine reading the end of ‘The Great Gatsby’ like that?: So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past :-(“

The New York Times has confirmed my dismay for emotions as being totally valid. They recently had an article on the pros and cons of using emoticons in professional e-mail communication—that’s right, in the work place. If you read the article, and I recommend that you do, there are some harsh sentiments for people that use emoticons.

The article also quoted a Northeastern University lecturer of communications stating that emoticons are “part of the degradation of writing skills—grammar, syntax, sentence structure, even penmanship—that come with digitals technology,” said Bill Lancaster, the Boston academic. “Certainly I understand the need for clarity. But language, used properly, is clear on its own."

One business professional featured spoke about using emoticons in order to express humor because he didn’t know the e-mail’s recipient personally. From my own tiny focus group agreement with this was concluded—many people seem to use smiley faces to indicate a joke, and think it’s okay.

If a message cannot be clearly understood on its own, should it really be sent in the first place? If you don’t know the person well enough, isn’t it better business etiquette to pick up the phone and talk to them or locate a map and find your way to one another? This kind of effort to communicate in person will strengthen business relations. You just can’t express humor other character traits in an e-mail as well as you could in person.

Communication nuances are already challenging in the professional world, verbal or written. Clarity is so, so important. Are emoticons really the best way to be clear? Are we relying on e-mail and text messages too much, and losing quality communication through lack of face-to-face interaction?

Before I read the NY Times article my blog topic was going to concentrate on our need to learn oral communication rituals. While this will definitely come back up, it seemed necessary to come back to emoticons now that I know they’re being used in business correspondence… I mean, really?

This blog is for all age groups in all kinds of business groups. The question for you is this: do you think emoticons should be used in professional communication and why?

When writing anything in the business world, keep it professional. Spare us all the cute graphics, you overzealous emoticon users—especially those of us who don’t know you.

Something needs to change. Please share these concerns with office mates, family or friends who too often attempt to use digital visages in lieu of clear sentences and clarifying word descriptions. With these habits, we truly just might come to rely on, well… :-(

*** To read the original New York Times article, go HERE