Sitting on the Curb and Waiting

On Sunday, April 22, the New York Times featured an article, The Flight from Conversation  (www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html ).  For one moment I felt I had preluded the Times with last week’s blog.   The truth is that this topic is and will become a national conversation among those that still possess conversational skills.  Social silence is the inevitable.

The idea did not come from the tables of multi-generational families silently gathered together in public, the parties of young people silently glued to their devices, or the consistent checking of personal devices as though they were causing unstoppable muscle spasms; it was the Titanic! 

PBS debuted a reenactment of what allegedly took place below decks in the engineering rooms and the boiler level before the Titanic sank.  Quickly assessing the damage and realizing the ship could not withhold the pressure of the water rapidly rushing below the decks, the men examined the blue prints of the miles of electrical wiring. They fought until the very end to rewire the lights and keep the ship lit, saving hundreds of lives.

Men kept stoking the boilers, which balanced the ship, allowing the ship to stay afloat an estimated 30 -60 minutes longer. The dedicated men choose to stay below rather than saving themselves.  Rapid brainstorming, quick communication and the dedication of these courageous men allowed passengers to find the few lifeboats.

A while back I was in New York for a summer electrical blackout.  It was a hot afternoon only a few years after 9/11 and anxiety was high.  With no information, everyone was outside on phones checking in with family and friends hoping to find out what happened.  As cell phone towers lost power more phones went dark.

You may laugh here, but as a seasoned traveler my first aid kit contains a tiny battery operated radio and a flashlight that reside full time in my bag.  As the news of a major electrical grid failure came across my radio, strangers gathered to hear the news.  The information was passed around verbally and then spread via cell phones.

 I immediately went to the closest super market chain.  Not only was it closed but all the employees were sitting on the curb telling everyone, “We are closed.  Can’t open the registers, no electricity.”  I told several workers that there is manual button that can pop the drawer open.  Begrudgingly they responded, “But we won’t be able to make change.”

Two doors down at the mom & pop market, one guy was manning the change box with a calculator and another was making sandwiches using all the deli meat and cheese.  All the 6 packs were being broken up and sold individually.   They sold almost everything in less than an hour.  The unopened chains throughout the city lost everything perishable and wasted a huge sales opportunity.

One of my friends felt that there was nothing really strategic in what the mom & pop group did.  “Really?” I responded.  “Assessing the situation, determining a need, saving their inventory, their insurance, and helping out the community – it all worked for me.”

In a world with non-stop communication, texts and twitter can be used for great things as well as the mundane.  We assume that all our devices will work, that we will always be wired.  But when the wiring is quiet, what happens?  Do we sit on the curb and wait?  The ability to be verbal, strategic, and make decisions when our toys don’t work needs to be learned.  Teachers for last week’s course selection have offered their services. We are now accepting student enrollment.  As Ben Stein said in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Anyone, anyone?”

JOB POSTING – Apply Now!

Teachers needed: 
Courses staring fall 2015 




Position:  
Do you long to share your love of the spoken word?  Do you have a passion for the English language? Do you want to reach out to the millions who struggle with communication and aid them in finding appropriate words? 


If you have a Bachelor of Arts or Masters in any of the social sciences and possess advanced verbal skills in English -- read on. This could be an ideal opportunity to earn money while deciding what comes next in your life. Work, travel and live in the United States, while teaching English. 




Curriculum: 


Introduction to Business Communication.
This course teaches spoken language skills such as negotiating, asking and responding to questions and public speaking.  Students will learn what type of communication is needed for meetings, boardrooms and one-on-one contact. What does one do when a video presentation fails and you are required to deliver the presentation?

Informal Workplace Dialogue 101.
 The focus will be on social communication in and out of the office.  It will involve face-to-face interaction that takes place in the break room, and during lunch and dinner business social events.  You are the candidate or interviewer - what are appropriate questions to ask?  What is small talk and how small is small?


Verbal and Physical Communication.
The emphasis of this class will be role-playing in real settings with real people. The student will learn to meet, greet, engage in small talk and learn verbal etiquette. Eye contact and body language will be emphasized.


Proper Crisis Communication: Freak-out Prevention.
This course will emphasize verbal survival skills, important in situations such as GPS failure, no cell phone coverage, no automatic tellers, and or electrical black outs. There will be authentic situations involving rapid conversing to reach an outcome using available resources to survive. A field trip to the dessert and mountains will take place. Exercises will be taught to strengthen one’s neck muscles in order to keep the head up, rather than staring at a dead device.


Cell Phones and Their True Purpose.
Each student will learn how to use his or her phone through speech and determine what are appropriate occasions for actual use, (other than parental contact).  The forgotten skills of calling and responding via cell phone will be taught.


Lessons from Reality Shows: The Do’s and Don’ts.
In this course, students are taught that screaming and yelling are not appropriate forms of communication.  They will be tested in the field on how they behave at restaurants and in other social situations.  Curriculum will include social awareness instructions such as: restricting profanity, volume control, and turning off the speaker on your cell phone.




Requirements:


Valid paper work
• Diploma from an accredited college or university.
• Have a valid passport and work papers (if from outside the country).


Advanced verbal skills
• The ability to understand, use and explain nuances, idioms, irony, humor and sarcasm in business and social environments.


Advanced reading abilities
• Covering a wide spectrum of topics such as the classics and current titles.
• Being able to host and or participate in book discussions.


Leadership
• Be a leader adept at handling emotional and stressful situations.
• Possess survival skills: urban and rural.
• Have the ability to handle meltdowns that will take place.
• Be a positive and motivating role model.


There will be no use of electronic devices and they will not be allowed in the classroom. We thank you for your time and support in reviving the English language.

Pet Sympathy

I promise to lighten up next week but this topic came up recently and it is important.  What do you do when a pet of a relative or good friend dies, especially when the animal was a beloved member of the family?

Our pets have a mighty impact on so many of us; they are our best friends, faithful companions, confidantes, and health aids.  For those that live alone, young or old, their pet is their family.

The death of a pet brings about a myriad of emotions.  In a family with children the loss of a pet can be the first time death is encountered.  For others it is a loss that seems insurmountable.  Grief counselors tell us losing a favorite animal brings up emotions of the past  - deaths of family and friends that have not been processed.  The grief of the lost pet mixed with the grief of a past human loss can complicate bereavement.

Acknowledge the loss with a note.  I hear the words – “it is just an animal.”  The animal is the best friend of someone you care about. Your kind words can be placed on a blank note or a card that has an image of nature.

A few sentences will be appreciated.

1.    I am so sorry to hear that you lost Skippy. 

2.    He was a part of the (neighborhood /family) and brought everyone so much joy.

3.    I will miss his wagging tail.

4.    Skippy was fortunate to be in your home where he had never-ending love and care.

5.    (Your choice….I have made a donation in his name to the animal shelter)

6.    Sincerely,

Pet sympathy may seem odd, especially if you are not keen on animals, but for many, pets are man’s best friends.  Let the person know you are sorry for their loss. 

Please leave your comments and send me your stories.

Being There for the Terminally Ill

As we have discussed, the sympathy note can be a difficult one to write.  Whether you are addressing someone who has lost a loved one, or is currently losing someone, finding the right words can be a challenge. Some of our readers suggested that writing to the terminally ill proves more difficult than offering sympathy to the bereaved.  Your offered experiences would be helpful as well.

So what do you say to someone who is battling a fatal disease?  My advice is to take your lead from the person that is ill.  I learned this valuable lesson 6 months before Wilfrida’s death.

It was the last visit to her hometown for a special family event.  As Wilfrida greeted childhood friends, a few would say, “you look beautiful,” (she did).  But as the words left their mouths you could see the look of horror on their faces as they tried to find their next thoughts.   One can only do their best at awkward times.  Wilfrida, with her grace and humor, would respond, “I do look good.  And thanks for noticing.”  To some she would comically say, “Not bad for someone who is dying.”  

When a person first hears the word terminal it can take awhile to come to terms with how they will react.  Patients must work to accept their diagnosis, share the information with their loved ones, and deal with the reactions of family and friends. 

While managing reactions and responses, decisions need to be made about additional treatments and end of life protocol.

Here are some suggestions of how to reach out:

• Acknowledge that you are aware of the prognosis, especially if it is not a secret.  This seems to be the first elephant in the room. 

• Never assume the person’s needs are going to be met by family or friends.  Distance and busy schedules don’t always allow for this. If you are not that close to the family you may be unaware that there are ways that you could assist.

• Don’t force your help if it is not requested.

• Call or write to ask what you can do to help in anyway. (If you call, avoid tones of voice that are fake cheery or speaking in hushed sad tones…be normal)

• Be specific with offers.  Strong, independent caregivers won’t always declare their needs.

• Work with friends or family members to figure out meals, doctor appointments, and communication.

• Offer to relieve the family and or close friends by doing errands or just being with the patient.

• Only commit to what you can actually do.

• Just a reminder…it is not about you!

An example of a note:

1. I have heard the news.

2. Please let me know what I can do to help and when we can visit.

3. Meanwhile know my thoughts and (prayers) are with you and your family.

When you are clear what is needed, follow up with notes and brief calls.  At some point let the person know how much they have impacted your life.  But be mindful of when you call based on the person’s fatigue.

Respect the wishes of the family no matter how close you have been. Ask if there is an avenue for updates on the patient’s health.  If not, offer to create one.

Keep the contact alive with notes and calls, and don’t forget the family and close care givers.  

Please tell us your stories.  They could so help others in need of advice.