Black Friday Games

BY RITA

As a former retailer myself, Black Friday was once known to me as an insider's phrase, referencing the creation of events and savings that usher in the holiday season. It'd start the Friday after Thanksgiving, and retailers hoped for good profitability by attracting people through special offers. Though not the original theme of the phrase, this became the tradition.

Now Black Friday means madness, mayhem, chaos, and an evolving opportunity for bigger and better promotions. In recognition of this evolution, I can foresee the creation of Pre-Black Friday events. This would not just mean staying open from Wednesday through Sunday of Thanksgiving week without closing. No, it would go far above and beyond sales with mega possibilities, on all levels of marketing.

With the pepper spray incident in southern California, the poor dead man in the southeast who died of natural causes, though everyone stepped over him on their way to sizzling bargains, it's time to bring it to the next level a much higher and creative level.

So why don't we just create a mall version of the Roman gladiator games? Shoppers must apply and train throughout the year to be taken seriously. The shopping/sporting events can be moved to the parking lots of stores and malls (the new mini coliseums). Leagues and teams will be created and the games can begin Wednesday evening and endure through Thanksgiving.

I can just see it now...

Training Tasks (most are real-life occurrences anyway):

• How quickly can you steal an item out of the other team’s shopping cart and keep it (physical scuffle only!)?

• How quickly can you take something off a shelf and/or wrestle it from another shopper?

• How quickly can you cut in front of another person to get in line or cut some one off in their vehicle?

• How loudly can you scream, “It's mine, it's mine, it' mine, it’s mine!” and cause the other contestant to run away?

These are just a few minor stunts—there's room for so much more creativity. Just think, Gladiator Shopping could be so good for the economy! There could be coaches training teams year-round, the leagues would have televised playoffs on Thanksgiving at 12:01 a.m., and there could be branding, apparel, perhaps a reality show. And here's the best part: it could be a twelve month event.

When people wish Christmas could be all year…now it can be…a dream come true!

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Hunter S. Thompson was right: “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”

Things have gotten so extreme; I guess it's time to take Black Friday to the next level. Since it is just so completely weird now, let’s go pro.

-Rita