Allegedly Pinocchio’s last words

"Really I said that?"

(Allegedly Pinocchio’s last words)

The brouhaha over the content of last weeks latest and appalling  “I misspoke, I apologize, etc.” statement is not my issue of the nanosecond. My issue: this irritating trend has been gaining momentum over time and has reached pandemic proportions.

Similar to Elisbeth Kubler-Ross who wrote The Five Stages of Grief, two of which happen to be denial and anger; the Pinocchio syndrome has only four stages. It is now a clear cycle that starts with “Really I said that?”  The cycle moves to “I must have misspoke,” then progresses to gibberish about “biased press or words taken out of context,” and ends with a mumbled or insistent “denial.”

One has difficulty finding an example that could be used with humor or sarcasm to illustrate my four stages.  Real folks have a monopoly on the crazy and the extreme. My example, one would hope, was put to rest hundreds of years ago, but in our current regressive climate, there could be a comeback.

Number one: “Really I said that?”  Look and listen for these words when the outrageous statement hits the cosmos and goes viral “Really I said the earth is flat, are you sure?”  If necessary tack on the next statement with an extra folksy vocal embellishment, “That just doesn’t sound like me.”

The buzz is not stopping.  Mr./Ms. Pinocchio’s statement has garnered more notice as former tapes and articles start making the media rounds. Emphatically we hear the words “The world is flat” coming back to haunt our speaker from past interviews.

Number two:  “I misspoke. I didn’t mean to say the earth is flat.” If the person is receiving a media pounding, there is a second half to the statement, mumbled in a low barely audible tone of voice.  “If I accidently misspoke by saying the earth is flat, I apologize.”

Number 3: “My statement was taken out of context.”  At this point let us not forget, if interested, we have seen and read every past article and interview in full.  To turn the attention away from the speaker however, there is another addition to the out –of- context ploy. “The biased media has always been looking for ways to discredit, dishonor, and disgrace all the good people that stand with me.” The best defense is an offense.

Number four: “I never said that!”  The ultimate super Pinocchio play - the issue is not going away and has reached the strength of a Tsunami.  “I never said the earth is flat; what I said was the earth could start to flatten if an asteroid hit.”  

And there you have it - the denial and the lie.  The media and the folks they serve have goldfish memories.  Diver Dan located at the bottom of the goldfish bowl is always a new sighting.  We have no long or short term memory retention.  We have amnesia. I forgot; what was the topic again? Right, Elvis is still alive and living in a parallel universe.