“I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to.”

 

 We are now uncomfortably seated in the theater of the absurd, the name of the play, election year 2012.  I have been pondering phrases that need to be dumped somewhere off planet earth. I am suddenly allergic to all the irritating and trite phrases that need to be retired due to overuse. Below is my list of maddening utterances.

“It doesn’t have to be fact if it is true.”

There have been so many reiterations of fact vs. reality. Many of our earthling brethren are residing where intention and fantasy outweigh truth.   Perception is now reality.  I want something to be true and therefore it is. Yippee, narcissism and pathological lying have become the new normal.  The dog really did eat my homework. 

“That never happens…well once or twice.”

That never happens and yet it has happened to you or someone you know.  Your new car door comes off in your hand, “that never happens says the dealer.” Upon investigation you find “yes” it has happened before, just rarely reported.  You seek help by moving up the ladder of “sorry we can’t help you” customer service responders. “That never happens” has become the new hello and “sorry we can’t help you” the new goodbye.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this!”

In a miniscule poll taken during the wee hours of the morning, the above phrase was voted a crowd favorite.  Upon hearing the words my poll participants narrowed it down to the following, “then don’t and why continue”?

“You not going to want to hear this.” 

My response is two fold, either lead with the information, kill the headline and get on with the story.  In conclusion, if the information doesn’t affect my life, please, no sharing. Please newscasters stop telling me this.

“Realistically speaking.”

“Realistically speaking” has become a favorite with media folk and leads me to ask the question.  What would the information be if it were given to me “unrealistically speaking?”  Would that involve prevarication or speaking in Klingon?

“Am I crazy or…”

You are now standing on the proverbial slippery slope. No matter how you answer, there is a crazy person somewhere in the question, we all know that, stop asking me.

“Are you serious, do you mean it”?

I just wish someone would say, “No, I am lying, yet again.”

No worries it’s all good

See my blog from July 3, “No worries, let me decide.”

I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to and because it isn’t about facts, I can, realistically speaking. I shouldn’t be telling you this, am I crazy, but really, honestly no worries, it ‘s all good and I mean every word, seriously, trust me.