A Googlie Car Solution

Solutions for Recklessness

Google has been road testing a driverless car; it is fully functional and waiting for us not to drive. I want that car; I need protection from other drivers and they need protection from me. Daily, on the freeway, I determine what scary moves drivers will perform and prepare accordingly.   “How,” you ask?

When I see three cars in rapid succession display the same weirdness, the day’s theme is settled.  Try this observational exercise tomorrow when you are facing incomprehensible road behavior.  With many of you taking Thanksgiving road trips this will help, I promise.

Like weather forecasts if we only we could hear “today we will have the slowest drivers in the universe occupying only left lanes, leave early and breathe”.  Below are my categories for making predictions.  My methods are based are my biases, declared with complete prejudice and involve no science. (Who needs science?)

My lane, my speed

• Watch for a succession of cars making dramatic, sudden, and angry lane changes in an attempt to jump ahead of a large “C-DAN”.  (Translation, sedan.)
• The C-DAN moves leisurely in the fast lane.
• C-DAN drivers are of all ages but look for white hair.
•  Occasionally the head of the driver appears to be missing. 

Road rage racing

• Brake lights are illuminating in all lanes.
• The roar of one or two cars can be heard.
• Drivers can be of all ages but look for younger drivers in “tricked” out cars.
• Usually male, with a second buddy car, rapidly and dangerously weaving between tightly packed cars.

Chatty Cathie’s 

• A female driver holding the phone with her head, handing items to back seat occupants, while balancing a latte in the other hand.
• Symptoms; speeding/slowing and making crazy lane changes, forcing other cars to avoid her SUV/van.
• Slow down and look for escape routes.

Texting while driving

• Both sexes – younger drivers.
• Observe heads pulling to the right and looking down.
• Notice weaving and inconsistent car speeds.
• Move at least two lanes away; wishing you could tell their parents.

Bullies   

• Mostly male but recently women are joining the fray.
• Wronged by another car, the car driver places their car perilously close to the front of the “alleged” culprit.
• The “wronged” driver punishes their prey by slowing down and speeding up.
• The piece de resistance involves creative hand gestures to emphasize their anger.

The answer

A daily driving forecast is a small remedy to a large problem. Too much goes on in cars these days.. music, movies, map screens, microwaves, latte and Panini machines.  Soon I hope trash compactors.  We live in our cars.

Give us driverless cars now  - save lives and sanity

We are too many, too stupid and too distracted to be on the road.  All of us need to be safe from one another.  Recently someone logically asked “why not public transportation?”  So rational, but we are not willing to give up our beloved personal space and imagined freedom. Let us cease driving and drive driverless cars.  And then, oh joy, we can text, listen to tunes, prepare lunch and do crafts.  We will be safe in our magical C-DAN with Siri cheering us on.