Say you are sorry with words (no texting)!

Lately the phrase I’m sorry has become the punch line for a bad joke. When caught with photos of strange women, stacks of money that can’t be explained, or heard saying inappropriate, nasty comments, people look at the camera and humbly say, “Sorry!”  

These words have been diluted by politicians, religious leaders, and celebrities; most of whom are repeat offenders attempting to erase their hubris and stabilize the downward spiral of their reputation.

This blog is about offering an apology.  As mere mortals we will need to humbly and sincerely say we are sorry a bazillion times in our lives.  Our mea culpa covers the gambit from being intentionally stupid to unintentionally ignorant.  Both register on the hurt and pain meter from a minor boo-boo to an unforgivable wound. We need to be able to mend fences, soothe hurts, and own up to an occasional fall from grace.  We want to be able to reach out and reconnect.

Wilfrida’s advice:

1.     Make it short. 
2.     Use a minimum amount of words.
3.     Get to the point.
4.     Don’t rationalize (it might not have anything to do with you).
5.     Own it, express your regret.

Time has passed and I don’t know what to say.

Many of our connections and contacts can be appreciated from a distance. However, we do have truly meaningful relationships that have disappeared over the years.  Due to inactivity, time and or distance, these relationships can fall the wayside. You want to reach out, have meant to reach out, but haven't.  Now so much time has passed, you are embarrassed.

A note is an easy way to remedy this situation.  It brings an air of personality and connection that can’t be reached with modern alternatives.  Once you reach out there are three responses; none, lukewarm, or “I’ve missed you too.”

Dear missing relative/friend,

1. I have thought of you so often over the years and have been well meaning in my thoughts but not in my actions.
2. I regret that we have lost touch.
3. If you would like to sit down and catch up over coffee, my cell/email is….
4. I look forward to hearing from you.

You aren’t sure why, but you are feeling a shift in attitude.

Intuition, passive aggressive behavior, or hints from family and friends are making you question what the heck happened in your friendship/relationship.  You sense something is different between you two but can’t figure out what’s going on.

Dear (oddly behaving) family member or friend,

1.     Since the last time we spent time together, I feel something has shifted.
2.     I value you and our friendship.
3.     Please, let’s have a conversation.

Feeling guilty and want to mend the fence?

Perhaps you had too much to drink, or not, but in the thrill of being the life of the party, (at least in your mind), you said some things that seemed harmless and amusing at the time.  But, they were at someone’s expense that now feels hurt and angry. So fix it!

You posted something on Facebook that was viewed as snarky. The results are online and your family/friends are watching it all implode. You want to fix it.  Pick up the pen.

You best friend/family member has broken up with the worst partner ever. You have made two trips to Costco replacing the Kleenex, beers, and pizza in your attempts to ease the sorrow when you are told the news; “Guess what?  We are back together!”  And you respond in shock, “Are you kidding me?  Why?  I don’t get it?” It turns into one of those moments where the air leaves the room which results in silence over days or weeks.

Breathe and pick up your pen.

You had words…..not good ones!

Pick up the pen if you think you want to salvage a relationship.  Or truly talk it out and then decide if salvaging is the right thing to do.

Dear Friend,

1.     I know my words hurt your feelings.
2.     It would never be my intention to hurt you in anyway.
3.     I am sorry, let me know a good time to get together.
4.     We have been friends too long to let this happen.

We have all tripped over ourselves and ended up hurting someone.  And we have all felt remorse from these situations.  Sometimes we just need to give it time.  Those we agitate might not always respond graciously, or at all, but sending your apology is necessary.  It shows your empathy and gives both of you the possibility to move on.

I would love to hear your “I’m sorry” stories.  Send me your best or your worst!


Next week's topic: the sympathy card.