A new wrinkle in electronic invitations has been added, the
follow-up un-invite invitation take back. Whatever the reason, poor planning, family
fights, finances, you have been informed that you didn’t make the cut and we
aren’t that into you. The grousing and complaining about buying a gift/plane
ticket/finding a date/buying an outfit is a sudden and distant memory, replaced
by indignation and hurt.
The second new wave in bizarre cosmic wedding etiquette
involves sending an email heralding your upcoming nuptials to family and friends. The variation on the save the date invite,
the “dis-invite” is to let recipients
know they won’t be attending the wedding. Designed to make the recipient retain their
self-esteem - the couple cared enough to inform you that you didn’t make the
final cut. Are you feeling the love yet?
We all get that wedding planning can wear feeble nerves to
their edges, create hurt feelings and perhaps incite family feuds. Keeping a wedding manageable means not
everyone can be invited. Balancing the guest lists between parents, in-laws and
the bridal party is a scary walk on a cliff edge with a 100-foot drop.
Sending an E communication to rescind your invitation or
communicating we like you, but there’s no room at the table, is just rude. Here is the rub - hope abounds that regardless
of your physical presence - a real present still might arrive.
Hurt feelings can be avoided or assuaged by having…wait for
it…a real conversation. I know as I propose this radical idea there will be a
huge shaking of heads. Think through the guest list and stop seeing the wedding
as a coronation or fashion week.
Are you that important?
Where are the adults in the room? Where are the voices of reason? That’s right some had their invitations
revoked and the other grownups just checked their email to discover they weren’t
invited. “We just aren’t that into you,
but hey, we promise to like your presents.”
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